Arnold’s Funeral Home is small, but exquisitely furnished building. The sign in front of the building reads Morgan Funeral. Approaching the front door are two young men in their 20s: Steven and Wade. The viewing room is half full. The corpse of Mr. Morgan rests in a casket. Wade asks how Steven knows the old dude. Steven says he used to go to his house and watch movies. It was community service through my church.
Steven and Wade sit at a big conference table with Steven’s lawyer, Daniel Stone. On the other side of the table is Mr. Morgan’s lawyer, Arnie Becker. Becker reads "And to my young friend Steven Percival, I leave Zoom Video." Steven and Wade exchange a surprised look. Becker pulls out a set of keys and a business card for Zoom Video, with an address. Steven asks "That’s it? No further details? No instructions?" Becker shakes his head and says "I’m sorry, that’s it." Becker says "there’s one more thing, It’s the Barry Convex Exclusionary Clause." Steven and Wade exchange a puzzled look. Wade asks who Barry Convex is. Becker says "I have no idea..." Steven stares at Becker. Becker continues "...but legally, you can’t give, sell or in any other way cause Barry Complex to gain control of Zoom Video." Wade asks "Or?" Becker replies "You don’t want to know."
Zoom Video is located in a pretty rundown part of the city. It’s any large U.S. city. A lot of the storefronts on the block are closed and boarded up. Other open stores include Frummy Frozen Yogurt! and The Missing Book Store. Zoom video is a one-story brick building with offices and homes in the building above. The front window has been soaped over and is now opaque. Paper signs cover the lower part of the window, but they’re so covered with graffiti that the original message is completely lost. Above the store is a yellow sign. The sign reads “Zoom Video” in Impact font. Wade says "I hope it looks better on the inside." Steven says "It’s house money. We didn’t pay for it, we got it for fee. No matter what it is, it’s more than we had yesterday. Worst case scenario, we sell it and we have a little bit of cash."
The inside of Zoom Video is nearly as dirty as the outside. It has dust everywhere, cobwebs, overflowing trash cans. Otherwise, the store is fully stocked: VHS tapes, microwave popcorn candy, etc. The movies are familiar, but they’re all off a bit. Steven and Wade browse through different movie sections. Wade says these movies are all weird. Steven says he's never heard of any of them. Steven opens the cash register, it's full. He heads into the office. Steven opens the top drawer of a filing cabinet. He flips through the file folders, examining them. Steven says these are all active memberships. Wade says that’s a pretty big potential customer base. Wade asks what the combination is for the safe. Steven picks up a index card from the desk and says "Try this." Wade starts turning the dial on the front of the safe. Steven says there’s a catalog to order more movies. It’s named the Solis catalog. Wade does the last spin of the dial on the safe. It pops open. There are stacks of cash inside. Steven stares in wonder. Wade says $20,000 is a lot of money. They wander in the snack area. The snacks all have strange names, like the videos. Steven says "With the odd movies and strange snack brands, it’s like we’re in another country." Steven says "I think I want to open a video store. You wanna run it with me?" Wade says yes. The two men shake hands while they laugh.
Steven and Wade walk through the neighborhood, stapling fliers to the telephone poles. The signs announce the “Grand Re-Opening of Zoom Video.” Wade isn’t paying close attention and he staples a flier to Carolina’s backpack. Carolina has her back to Wade and is talking to Pam. Carolina says "Hey! What’s the deal--" As she spins around, she gets a glance at Wade. She loses the ability to talk. Wade says "Oh, I’m so sorry. I must be an idiot. Will you ever forgive me? What’s wrong with me?" She’s overwhelmed and giggles. Steven says "Forgive him, he’s an idiot." Steven and Pam make eye contact. There’s a spark. Carolina says "It’s okay." She grabs the flier and looks at it. Steven says "You should come by the video store." Pam says "What’s it called?" Steven says "Zoom Video." Carolina says "Never heard of it." Pam says "Me neither." Wade says "It’s new. Well it just reopened." Steven says "If you ladies come by, we’ll give you a free membership!" Pam says "Maybe we’ll stop by some time." Steven says "That’d be great." The women walk on.
Wade stands in front of Zoom Video, scrubbing the windows. Inside, Steven dusts the shelves and videos. The now-clean window shows a wide view of Elm Street. Wade says it's looking pretty good in here. Steven walks closer to the front window and takes a look. He sees a dirty spot on the inside of the window and sprays it with his bottle of window cleaner. He wipes the spot. Steven asks if Wade if he thinks they’re ready. Wade says he can’t imagine anything that could make the more ready. Steven says "Let’s open up!. Steven unlocks the front door and flips the closed sign to open. The clock says 9 a.m. Nobody shows up.
The clock says 9:57 a.m. Wade says he can’t believe this, they’ve been open almost an hour, and not one customer. Steven says don’t worry, it’s the first day. Both men lean on the counter. At exactly 10 a.m., the door opens and several customers walk in. They are led by Ms. Kravitz. She says they put the wrong time on the flier. Steven asks if she's a member. She says she's been a member of Zoom Video since they were in diapers. She starts browsing the movies.
A bit later, a white man brings a video to the counter and sets it down. The title of the movie is “Bad Dog.” A rabid killer St. Bernard is on the box cover. Steven rings him up. A white woman hands Steven a video. The title of the movie is “Boa.” A giant killer boa constrictor is on the box cover. He rings her up.
Barry Complex, wearing a suit, comes in. Barry says "I’m Barry Complex and I’m here to buy Zoom Video. I’m prepared to offer 15% over market value." Barry pulls out a check book. Steven says "Yes, it is, Mr. Complex." Wade says "So generous it’s fishy..." Steven says "Thank you for your generous offer, Mr. Complex, but I’m not really interested in selling the place." Barry says "You can’t really be interested in running this place. You’re young and have many options before you. This is an old man’s job." Steven says "I guess I’m just an old soul. I’ve fallen in love with the place. I think I’ll keep it." Barry says "I’m sorry you feel that way. If you reconsider, that’s my business card. Give me a call." Wade says "That guy sets off my spider sense." Wade says "You’ve fallen in love with the place?" Steven says "Whatever. I was trying to get rid of Barry." Wade says "Sure you were. Weirdo." Wade laughs at Steven.
A bit later, Wilson sets a video on the counter. The title of the movie is “Arachnids.” Multiple killer tarantulas decorate the box cover. Wilson says it looks scary. Steven pretends to shiver in fear and says "ooh!" Wilson just stares at him.
As Wilson leaves, Pam and Caroline walk in. Wade greets them with a huge grin. Steven asks if the ladies are members. They aren't. The guys help them fill out their applications. . Steven says "Browse the store and choose a movie. All rentals $1.99." Steven says "I think I’m in love, but it makes me kinda nervous to say so." Wade says "I also find myself quite smitten." After a while, Pam and Carolina return to the front counter. Pam hands him a VHS box with the title “Meet Cute.” Pam says "Hey, you guys want to take us lovely ladies out tonight?" Steven says "Yes." Wade says "Yeah, absolutely." Pam says "Then meet us at the Missing Book Store. 7-ish." Pam takes the movie and she and Carolina leave. A Man in a Black Suit watches them, unseen. This is Agent W.
Steven and Wade approach the front door of the book store. The Missing Book Store sits among a row of closed storefronts. The sign is old, but the store is immaculately clean outside and in. Steven and Wade go inside. Wade stands near Carolina, who works at the register at the front of the store. Steven browses the stacks. He gets excited and pulls "Gray's Sports Almanac: Complete Sports Statistics 1950-2000" off the shelf. Wade says "I gotta get this." He looks around suspiciously. Wade says "I’m gonna be rich." He takes it to the register and pays for it. He hides it, so no one else can see it. Agent W watches him, hidden in plain sight. Pam walks into the store. A manager walks up to Carolina. He says "You can go ahead and take off a few minutes early." Carolina says "Thanks!" She hurries to the break room to clock out.
Carolina, Wade, Pam and Steven stand in front of the book store. Pam says asks where they are going. Steven says she’ll just have to wait and see. Pam calls him a tease. Everyone laughs. They walk away.
Steven, Pamela, Wade and Carolina arrive at the Roller Rink. Pam grins. Pam says she loves it. Steven is relieved. Pam says roller skating is one of her favorite things. Wade calms down and drops back, talking softly to himself. Steven says "Roller skating was my idea." Pam links arms with Steven and they head inside. Wade looks at Carolina. She heads inside. Wade follows. Embarrassed.
The DJ says "This next song is a couple’s skate. Ladies’ choice. No boys on the floor, unless a girl leads you there!" The DJ puts on new record, “Fernando,” by ABBA. Pam says "I love ABBA!" She skates away from, then skates backwards, grinning at him. She sings along with the song at the top of her lungs. She grabs his hand and he stares as she continues singing. He grins. He tries to sing along, but he only remembers the word “Fernando.” He mumbles the rest of the words. She grins as she belts out the words. Carolina waves Wade towards the rink. Wade skates awkwardly onto the floor. Carolina sees him and laughs. Carolina says "Don’t you know how to skate?" Wade says "This is my first time." He nearly falls. Carolina says "Here, let me help you." She skates to him and leads him by the arm. Carolina leads Wade around the rink, holding him by the arm. Steven and Pam speed past Wade and Carolina. Wade loses balance and almost falls. Steven and Pam zoom past them again, holding hands. A bunch of little kids pass them. They almost make Wade fall. Steven and Pam skate by, kissing. Wade falls. Carolina trips on Wade’s skate, landing on top of him. They laugh. Then kiss. Steven and Pam skate by comfortably. Wade starts to get the hang of it. Carolina applauds.
The group stands outside now. Steven and Pam stand close together, but away from Wade and Carolina, who stand close. Steven and Pamela wrap their arms around each other. Wade sees this and he and Carolina embrace awkwardly, too. Pam leans and kisses Steven. He enthusiastically kisses her back. Wade leans in to kiss Carolina. Pam and Steven break their kiss. They kiss again. Steven says they should do it again. Pam and Carolina say yeah. Steven says he’ll call. The women head one way from the roller rink, the men go the other. Everyone’s happy. A stream of medium-sized spiders follow the women.
From the outside, Zoom Video looks shiny and new. Inside, Zoom Video looks shiny and new. Except the VHS boxes, which are old and faded. Everything is clean, though. The store is moderately busy. Wade works at the register. Wade rings up a male customer. He scans the man’s videos: “Wings,” the cover shows killer ravens; “The Wolfman Lovers,” the cover shows male and female werewolves in a romantic embrace; and “The Muppet Master,” the cover shows either a human who has mastery of Muppets or a Muppet who has evil mastery over humans. Wade rings up a young white female customer. He scans the woman’s videos: “The Prince Groom,” the cover shows a Medieval prince and princess in a romantic embrace; “The Recoverers,” the cover shows two cartoon mice in human clothes; “The Secret of My Excess,” the cover shows a young adult man in a suit, looking strung out; “What Ever?!?,” the cover shows an attractive, well-dressed teenager and her trendy friends. Wade rings up a black male customer. He scans the man’s videos: “The Testimony,” the cover shows a plainclothes police officer with a gun standing in front of an Amish woman and child; “White Dudes Suck at Basketball,” the cover shows a white man and a Black man holding basketballs, wearing street ball clothes; “A Crab Called Wendy,” the cover shows two funny men, a beautiful woman and a cartoon crab; and “The Last Girl Scout,” the cover shows a young woman wearing a full football outfit, helmet and pads included, poised to pass a football. Wandering among the customers is Agent W. No one notices him. He watches everyone go about their business.
Pam and Carolina enter a brick apartment building and head for the elevator.
Wilson sits on his couch, watching a VHS movie and eating popcorn. The movie he’s watching is clearly “Arachnids.” He doesn’t notice the stream of spiders crawling underneath the front door and into the hallway.
Pam and Carolina go into their apartment. Carolina goes to the rest room. Pam goes to the fridge. Pam pulls out an apple and takes a bite. She chews absently. A spider crawls over the top of the apple. Pam screams and throws the apple. She goes to the sink and spits the apple out. Spiders stream in every direction, coming out of the sink. Hundreds of them. In the bathroom, Carolina sits on the toilet, her pants down. She reaches for the toilet paper and sees a shadow moving behind the shower curtain. It’s opaque, so she can’t see it. She wipes quickly and pulls up her pants. She doesn’t flush. She carefully reaches for the shower curtain. She hesitates. She steels herself. She reaches for the shower curtain. She pulls it back quickly. The shadow was hundreds of spiders and they fall from the moving curtain. The whole shower area is covered in spiders. She runs from the bathroom and smashes into Pam, who is also screaming and running from spiders. Spiders stream towards them from the kitchen and bathroom. Pam says "Let’s get out of here! The font door!" She points towards the door. Carolina rips the door open and they run into the hallway. Pam slams the door behind her. Spiders crawl under the door and into the hallway. They also emerge from other apartments. Pam and Carolina run down the hall. Other people emerge from their apartments, screaming and being chased by spiders. Wilson is among them. Wilson says "I was watching this movie, “Arachnids,” and then there were spiders everywhere!" Pam says "Where’d you get the video?" Wilson says "Zoom."
Spiders come down the hallway and crawl on the residents’ feet. Carolina screams. They start stomping on the spiders and kicking them off their feet. Carolina says this is useless. Pam says "The elevator! Run!" The three residents run for the elevator. Another resident is already waiting and has pushed the down button. The doors open and spiders stream forth. Carolina and Pam scream. Wilson and the other resident are overwhelmed by spiders. Pam and Carolina run for the door to the stairwell. They sprint down the stairs. Spiders chase them. When they reach the last flight of stairs, spiders start streaming up at them. Carolina grabs the railing and leaps over, landing on the ground floor. Pam grabs the rail. She hesitates. Pam says she can’t. Carolina says "C’mon, you can do it! I’ll catch you." Pam doesn’t believe her. The spiders close in on her from both above and below. Pam climbs onto the railing. The spiders get closer. Pam climbs over the top of the railing. She stands on the outside. Spiders start climbing onto the railing. Carolina says "Jump!" Pam jumps. Carolina slows Pam’s fall, but they both crash to the floor. The spiders rush at them. Pam and Carolina stand up, stomping on spiders as they do. Pam says "Run!" They run for the door, stomping and evading spiders as they go. They go through the door. Pam and Carolina burst into the night. The spiders follow in seemingly endless quantities. Pam and Carolina run down the street, escaping the spiders.
Wade stands in front of the register, a video in his hand ‘Triplets.’ It’s clearly a sequel to Twins. The photo on the front of the box is probably Danny DeVito, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and titular third brother, Terry Crews. Steven admits to loving old movies. Wade puts a pile of snacks on the counter: a Chaka Soda, Winkler Brand Tortilla Chips and a Hasselhoff Pie. They both laugh as Wade leaves.
Wade approaches his apartment building. It’s a four-story walk-up made from red brick. Wade goes inside. Wade comes in and sets the movie on top of the TV. The movie “Triplets” starts playing. Actors who look like Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger run from gunmen. The Arnold and Danny actors meet a probable Terry Crews. The triplets run from the bad guys. The Arnold and Terry actors fumble and juggle a baby, but don’t drop it. Wade laughs at the hijinks. The Triplets and baby run from the cops. The Triplets stand in front of a changing table, fumbling with a diaper. Arnold opens the diaper bag to find out it’s filled with cash. The baby pees in Terry’s face. Wade laughs. There’s a knock at the door. Wade pauses the video and answers the door. He opens it to reveal the cast of ‘Triplets’. Wade is shocked to see three men who are probably not Danny DeVito, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Terry Crews standing before him. Danny says "You gonna stare at us or you gonna say something?" Arnold says "We’ll be back." Terry says "No we won’t. You gotta quit telling everybody that." They wander off. Wade scratches his head. Wade says "I’ve got an idea." He heads out the front door.
Wade walks out of his apartment building and continues in the direction of Zoom video. He’s in a hurry. Wade walks into Zoom Video. Wade goes directly to the adult section. He grabs a movie without even looking at it. Steven’s in the office, so Wade checks himself out. He scans the movie, scans his card and puts $2 in the register. He runs out of the store. Steven walks out of the office. He looks around, but he’s alone. Steven says "I could have sworn I heard Wade." He goes back into the office.
Wade walks out of Zoom Video and continues in the direction of his apartment. He takes the old VHS out of the VCR and puts the porn in. He grabs the remote and sits on the recliner. He starts the video. The opening title reads “Saved Bi the Gel.” Bisexual porn comes on. Nothing else happens. Wade says "That’s it?" Someone knocks at the door. Dirk says "Pizza delivery." Wade says "I didn’t order a pizza." Amber says "It’s free." He trails off as he opens the door to see porn stars Dirk Adams and Amber Page. Wade’s eyes shoot to the porno movie on TV. Dirk and Amber have sex with another man. Wade looks back-and-forth between the real people and the porn versions on TV. Dirk says "Sorry, we don’t have any pizza." Amber says "Yeah, we just have tits and dick!" Wade escorts them into the room and locks the door behind him. Dirk says "Just so you know, we only play together." Wade says "That’s totally fine." They all move to the bed. Wade sits up in bed with a start. He’s naked except for the bedsheet that covers his lower body. He gets out of bed and starts getting dressed. Amber and Dirk are gone. Wade says "The videos become real! Really real!" Wade finishes getting dressed and heads out the front door.
Wade goes inside Zoom Video. Wade rushes to the office, where Steven sits. There aren’t currently any customers. Wade says "So I watched one of the movies and it came to life." Wade says "I tried a second movie. That one came alive, too." Steven says "You know I don’t believe in magic." Wade says "I know, but there’s no other way of explaining it. I’ll show you." He runs to the movie shelves and looks for the right VHS. He finds “The Tiny Mermaid.” He puts the movie in the VCR and hits play. They watch the movie. They don’t enjoy it. Steven goes to the bathroom. Steven walks into the bathroom, then he walks right back out. Steven gets Wade. Wade walks cautiously into the bathroom. Steven says "Go ahead, it’s in the second stall." Sitting in the water of the stall’s toilet is a tiny mermaid. Wade says "I think if we wait long enough, it’ll go away on its own."
Steven and Wade sit in the office. Steven says "I’m not saying I’m a believer, but how does it work? What are the rules?" Wade says "Well, it didn’t come with an instruction manual." They both jump to their feet and start searching the store high and low. Steven and Wade are back in their seats, disappointed. Steven says "So we don’t have directions. We’ll have to rely upon observation." Steven says "If we watch the movie... well some of it... how long?" Wade says "I don’t know, maybe 30 minutes or so." Steven says "How do you know what’s gonna come out of the movie?" Wade says "It seems to be whatever’s on the box cover." Steven asks "Can we control it?" Wade shakes his head. He says "No, but they seem to have natural inclinations." Steven says "So like if we produce a dog it’s gonna attack cats? Or if we produce a cat, it’s gonna attack mice?" Wade says "That seems right."
The phone rings. The caller says "I rented a video there and watched it. Now my house is overrun with 'Gnomes.'" Steven says "Gnomes?" The customer says "Yes. What can I do about them?" Steven says "Set traps?" The phone rings. Steven says "Hello?" A different customer says "Yes, my farm is overrun with grandparents." Steven says "Did you say grandparents? What did you watch?" A different customer says "'Grandparenthood.' What should I do? Steven says "Golden Corral buffet?" Barry says "Steven? This is Barry Complex. I called because I recognize that you are a serious man. And I wanted to make you a serious offer. I’ll give you 30% over market value." Steven says "Again, thank you, but Zoom Video really isn’t for sale. No matter how big the offer gets." Barry says "You haven’t heard the last of this." Steven hangs up. Steven says "Oh jeez, I sure hope we have."
Steven and Wade arrive at the city park in a taxi. They look around, cautiously. In particular, they keep an eye towards the sky. Wade says "You haven’t seen any of them have you?" Steven says "Them? You mean the 'Wings'?" Wade says "I think they’re ravens, canonically." Steven says "You watched it?" Wade shakes his head. He says "Nah, but I read the box. Looked like a Hitchcock rip-off." A lone raven flies around the corner and lands in the middle of the street in front of them. It stares at them. It lets out a blood-curdling caw. Hundreds more ravens fly around the corner and land in the street, facing Wade and Steven. They bolt down a side street. The ravens give chase. Wade and Steven have a pretty big head start, but the ravens are quickly gaining on them. They run to the end of the block and turn left. The ravens get closer. They rush to the station entrance. The ravens get closer. They run down the steps, taking two or three steps at a time. The ravens get closer. They run onto the platform. The ravens get closer. They jump into the train car just before the doors shut. The ravens smash into the train doors. Over and over. The passengers on the train scream. More and more birds hit the doors. The train jerks into motion and gets up to speed as fast as possible. Wade says "We’ve got to get to the video store and find a counter to the Wings!" Steven is skeptical, but he bites his tongue. The remaining ravens don’t follow the train into the tunnel. Steven says "You should call the cops. Wade says "Me? Why me?" Steven says "You believe in this stuff. You can do a better job explaining it. Plus you’re a white guy." Wade says "What does that have to do with it?" Steven says "C’mon, you must know police are more likely to listen to a white guy." Wade says "Sure, but not about magical stuff like this, right?" Steven stares at him. Wade says "Okay. I’ll do it. After I watch this video." Wade puts “The Yelping” in the VCR and hits play. The movie shows werewolves creating mayhem in a small village. One of the scenes shows a werewolf eating a bird.
Wade sits at the desk in the office. Steven paces in front of the desk. Wade holds the phone, listening to it ring. The dispatcher says "Police Department. Is this an emergency?" Wade says "Yes!" The dispatcher says "What is the nature of your emergency?" Wade says "It’s the Wings... I mean birds..." The dispatcher says "Ugh! Hold please." Brady asks how he can help Wade. Wade says they were attacked by birds. Brady is baffled. He says he'll send an officer, but he's skeptical.
Officer Laverne Hooks enters the video store and asks if they're the guys that were attacked by birds. Steven says yes and Hooks says she'll take their statement. Steven and Wade are disappointed. Wade tells her to meet us at the city park on 33rd Avenue. She’ll see." Hooks says her patience is running thin. Wade and Steven head out the front door. Hooks follows. Steven locks the door behind them.
Wade and Steven hop out of a taxi in front of the city park on 33rd Avenue. Hooks pulls up behind them and parks. Everywhere they look, werewolves are killing ravens. It’s a damned slaughter. Wandering around unseen is Agent W, the Man in the Black Suit. Steven says he thinks they’re all hallucinating a mass delusion. One of the birds escapes the werewolf attacking it. It flies directly at Wade, gashing him in the arm. A foot-long cut opens and he starts bleeding. He screams in pain. The birds all fly away. The werewolves give chase.
A group of thugs approaches Steven and Wade. They are armed and menacing. The thugs tell them to sell Zoom Video or else. Thug #2 tries to punch Wade in the face, but Wade manages to duck out of the way. Thug #2 punches Wade in the stomach. Thug #1 readies to punch Steven again, but he sees fear in the other thugs’ faces. The others put their hands up, releasing Steven and Wade. Agent W points his gun at Thug #1. Several other agents aim their guns at the other thugs. Agent W tells Steven and Wade to leave and not to look back. Several of the agents smash their guns into the thugs faces, knocking them out. Steven and Wade are shocked by the violence and flee.
Steven sits at the desk talking on the phone. Wade works the register. Steven says "So you think the trees in your yard... have teeth? And what movie did you rent from Zoom Video?" Mr. Joel says “The Trees Have Teeth.” Steven frowns. Steven talks to another customer. Steven says "So, you’ve seen a giant water spout coming out of your swimming pool. And what movie did you rent from Zoom Video?" Mr. Ferry says “Water Spout.” Steven talks to another customer. Steven says "So you’ve seen a giant serial killer wearing a football helmet, shoulder pads, no shirt, football pants and cleats? And what movie did you rent from Zoom Video?" Ms. Marley says "'Tommy Lives: Sunday the 15th Part VI.'" Wade walks into the office, he says "That’s a lot of weird calls for one day." Steven says "Yeah, they were all from the Retirement Center." Wade says "I guess we should check it out?" Steven says "But don’t try to dump any of that magic stuff on me."
Steven and Wade approach the Retirement Center on 14th Avenue. Steven says "We don’t have much in the way of weapons or whatever." Wade says "We’ll have to use our brains." Outside, a group of senior citizens greets them. They are Mr. Joel. Ms. Marley, and Mr. Ferry. Mr. Joel leads them towards a grove of trees. Mr. Joel says "Now don’t get too close. They bite." He shows them his hand is missing a finger and is wrapped in gauze. As if on cue, three of the trees open vertical mouths filled with teeth. They let out groans. Steven says "Our professional advice is to stay away from them." Wade and Steven wrap the cling wrap around one of the trees as it tries to bite them. It isn’t mobile, so it can’t get them.
Mr. Ferry leads them to the Retirement Center pool, which is to the side of the main building. They approach the pool and see a large stream of water spouts from a crack in the pavement around the pool. Wade says "Oh, that’s not a water spout, that’s just a leak. If you have a leak, just plug it." Wade says "Mr. Ferry, lead me to your maintenance shed." Wade says "Steven, get anybody who can help, go to the kitchen, and bring back every heavy box you can." Steven and wade struggle to put a piece of plywood over the leak. They do their best to hold it down. The younger staff from the Retirement Center carry boxes and pile them on top of the plywood. Soon, there are enough boxes to keep the plywood down. They keep adding more. Suddenly large crack appears elsewhere in the pavement. With a explosion, two more leaks are sprung. Everyone has to dodge water and debris.
Ms. Marley leads them towards the gardens behind the Retirement Center. Steven says "So what did you say you saw?" Ms. Marley says "No question what I saw. It was Tommy. From 'Tommy Lives: Sunday the 15th Part VI." Steven says "There’s no such thing as Tommy." Tommy steps out of the alley, a massive man wearing a football helmet and shoulder pads. Ms. Marley says "Run! He’ll kill you!" They run. Tommy gives chase. Ms. Marley, Steven and Wade stand in front of the Retirement Center, out of breath. Wade says "I think we gave him the slip." Steven says "We have to trap him." Wade says "We need a hole or something we can trick him and he’ll fall in." Steven says "You got anything like that?" Ms. Marley says "There’s an old well in the woods behind the Retirement Center. Will that do?" Ms. Marley leads them towards the back of the Center. Steven and Wade walk around the side of the building. Tommy slowly, but steadily, stomps after them. They move fast enough to stay ahead of Tommy, but not fast enough to get away from him. They go into the woods. They go to the old well and stand on the far side of it. Tommy walks around the hole, towards Wade and Steven. They run around the well, the opposite direction that Tommy is going. They run back past the Retirement Center. Tommy follows. They see Ms. Marley as they pass by. Wade says "We’ll be back!" Ms. Marley says "Yeah, right." She waves her hand at Steven and Wade as they run away. Tommy watches.
Steven and Wade sit in the office. Steven says "Nothing we try is working." Wade says "We gotta watch a video, I’m telling you." Wade picks up the catalog. He says "Give me an invoice, I’ll order them myself." Wade walks out and sits at the front counter. He flips through the catalog. Wade says "Let’s see... 'EMS...'" He writes on the invoice and continues flipping through the catalog. Wade says "Okay... 'Search Party' and "Mission: Unlikely." Once he’s done, he walks back into the office and hands the invoice to Steven. Steven examines the invoice. Wade says "Sign that. And initial the rush order box." Steven says "I don’t want to pay for this stuff." Wade says "We have to. We rented out the tapes." Steven glares at him. He signs and initials the form. Steven says "You know I don’t believe in this stuff. And the crazy stuff we keep seeing? I think you’ve been putting LSD in my Bono soda." Wade folds the invoice and sticks it in the envelope.
A letter carrier arrives with a dolly that holds four medium-sized boxes. It’s actually Agent W, and he’s wearing a jumpsuit over his Black Suit. Steven and Wade rush to greet him. The Letter Carrier leaves. Wade and Steven each open a box. They pull out videos and stack them on the counter. The movies are "EMS," the cover shows a Black Man and Black woman standing in front of an ambulance; “Search Party,” the cover shows a group of police officers searching for someone in the woods; and “Mission: Unlikely,” the cover shows the Unlikely Missions Force ready to go into action. A In “EMS,” the EMS team helps the victims of a 13-car pile-up. They mend bones and save lives. In “Search Party,” the police officers comb the forest, searching for a boy named Larry. They call his name, but he doesn’t answer. In “Mission: Unlikely,” the Unlikely Missions Force disarm a bomb successfully.
Again, Steven and Wade arrive at the Retirement Center in a taxi. They meet Mr. Joel, Ms. Marley and Mr. Ferry outside the front door. Ms. Marley says "You guys are back?" Ms. Marley says "You going to do anything this time?" Ms. Marley leads them around the side of the building. The “Search Party” police officers are busy cutting down the teeth-filled trees. Hooks watches. The “EMS” team uses large, generic machines to drain the water from the pool. Mr. Ferry says "We’ll send you boys a check for the repairs to our pool." The Unlikely Missions Force surrounds Tommy. They are armed with guns that shoot electrified webs. They shoot him over and over, until he’s so overwhelmed he falls to the ground and stops struggling. Hooks walks into the Retirement Center. She approaches Wade, who is talking to Steven, Ms. Marley, Mr. Ferry and Mr. Joel. She pulls Wade aside. Hooks says "I just wanted to say I’m sorry." Wade says "Oh, now you believe me?" Hooks says "I mean, would you have believed you?" Wade shrugs. He says "Fair."
Barry Convex enters the store with a bee in his bonnet. Officer Hooks follows him. Barry says "I’m Barry Convex and this store belongs to me." Steven and Wade exchange a surprised look. Barry says "Show him the paperwork." Hooks shows it to Steven. Barry says "It’s the paperwork that says since Morgan owed $30,000 on this place, and I paid it on his behalf, this place belongs to me." Wade says "This sets off an alarm in my head." Hooks says "He’s right. I’m going to have to ask you to leave. Sorry." She starts moving them towards the front door. Steven says "This isn’t over!" The door closes behind them. Barry says "It’s all mine!" Barry emits an evil laugh as he rubs his hands together. Barry stands at the combination TV/VCR that sits behind the front counter. He puts a movie in and hits play. The movie starts and the main title comes up. This black and white movie is called “Goron the Indescribable.” The first scene shows a crowd of Japanese people running from Goron, a giant lizard kaiju. Barry laughs.
People run down 19th Avenue, screaming. The camera zooms out to reveal Goron the Indescribable. Directly from the video. Goron smashes the side of a skyscraper, sending concrete and debris crashing to the ground. Steven and Wade arrive in time to see Goron smash another building. Goron chases them. Steven and Wade run into the book store. Carolina is shocked at the sudden appearance. Carolina says "What’s going on?" Wade says "We’re hiding." Pam says "Hiding? From what?" Steven says "From that!" He points out the front window. Goron the Indescribable appears. Everyone hides behind the counter or bookshelves. Pam claps her hand over mouth to stifle her scream. Steven says "Somebody’s been drugging my food or something. I’ve been hallucinating a lot." Wade says "He can’t handle the fact that he’s getting a little too much magical with his realism." Wade says "The videos in the store, when you watch them, they come to life!" Carolina says "That explains 'Meet Cute.'" Pam says "And 'Arachnids.'" Wade says "You have to watch a movie with something to counter whatever problem the first movie created." Steven says "Some crazy guy took over the video store and we can’t access it or the magic videos." Carolina asks "Can’t you get more magic videos or something? Like order them?" Wade says "For that, we’d need the Solis catalog." Steven says "And that’s in the video store." Carolina says "Did you say Solis catalog?" Wade says "Yeah." Carolina holds up a finger, telling everyone to wait a moment. She walks to the Entertainment Section and browses the titles. She sees what she’s looking for and pulls it down. She walks back to the front of the store and hands the book to Wade. Wade says "The Solis Catalog?!?" He stares at it and grins. Wade says "Steven, buy the catalog." Steven hands Carolina the cash. She rings him up and gives him his change. Pam says "What’s so important about the Solis catalog?" Wade says "With the Solis catalog, you can order the magic movies without going to Zoom Video."
Steven’s apartment is an 8 story building and he’s on the 6th floor. Steven and Wade sit on the couch in Steven’s living room. Carolina and Pam are squeezed in between them. Steven says "Start finding the movies, I’ll put them on the invoice." Wade flips through the pages slowly, letting the women look. Pam says “The Steel Behemoth,” the cover image shows a giant robot made of iron. Wade says "Oh, we gotta get 'Uberman.' He looks like Superman." Carolina points to “Top Dog,” the cover shows a fighter jet zooming through the sky. Pam points to “The Raven,” the cover shows a goth superhero battling a group of gang members. Wade points to “Ghost Hunters,” the cover shows the Ghost Hunters trying to capture a ghost in the Lincoln Memorial. Carolina points to “Gilgamesh,” the cover shows Gilgamesh in a hero pose. Pam points to “Squadron,” the cover shows a squadron of American troops in formation in Vietnam. Wade points to “Preteen Alien Viking Salamanders,” the cover shows four anthropomorphic salamanders in Viking outfits. Carolina points to “Montana Johnson and the Lost Crusade,” the cover shows a man wearing a brown fedora, carrying a bullwhip, riding through the desert on a horse. Pam points to “Kung Fu Youngsters,” the cover shows several kids in Kung Fu poses. Steven says "That should be good. These things aren’t free."
Barry stands at the combination TV/VCR that sits behind the front counter. He puts a movie in and hits play. The movie is called “Convulsions” and it's about giant walking worm-like creatures with sharp teeth. The others are “Goblins,” the cover shows a group of smiling/snarling goblins; “Lunatic Cop,” the cover shows a lunatic cop pointing his gun at the camera with a snarl on this face; “Housequake,” the cover shows people dodging debris that falls from a building; “Ghost Prison,” the cover shows a ghost gripping the bars of his jail cell. Barry laughs. The laugh grows more evil.
People run through the streets with no rhyme or reason. Dangers lurk around every corner. Monsters and murderers are everywhere. The giant worms from “Convulsions” eat people. Goblins from the movie “Goblins” cause general mischief. “Lunatic Cops” run rampant. Police brutality is widespread. Escaped ghosts from the “Ghost Prison” are everywhere. The “Housequake” has expanded to an earthquake that shakes the city. Buildings crumble and fall, cracks appear in the ground and a lot of people are injured. People do their best to hide or find safety. Hooks tries to help, but there’s too much happening and she doesn’t know where to start.
Steven sits in a chair, watching the front door. The letter carrier arrives, but it’s secretly Agent W. He wheels the boxes in and sets them down next to the TV. Agent W asks if he can get a soda or something. Steven walks into the kitchen. Agent W says "Where do you guys keep getting these movies from?" Wade says "Some company. There’s a catalog." Agent W says "Can I take a look?" Wade says "Sure." Wade turns to find the Solis catalog. Agent W quickly clamps a bug inside a lampshade. Wade grabs the Solis catalog and heads towards Agent W, but he doesn’t notice anything. Agent W says "On second thought, my time is getting tight. I’ll catch you next time." Steven walks back in with a soda in a glass with ice. Wade says the lwttwe carrier had had to leave suddenly. Steven sits on the couch with the remote. Wade says he's tired of this shit. "I’m helping you deal with shit that happened because YOU inherited a video store!" Steven says "I didn’t CHOOSE to inherit anything." Wade says "Who cares? You accepted it when you just as easily could have sold it. And it just so happens it’s a magical video store--WHETHER YOU BELIEVE IT OR NOT!" Wade says "You’ve seen this shit with your own eyes, Scully, and you’re responsible for this shit." He holds up the bandaged wound on his arm. Wade says "I got my arm nearly cut in half helping you! You gonna deny this?" He rips off the bandage to show the scabbed wound. Steven recoils. Steven says "No." Wade says "So, stop your whining and hit play so we can watch the movie and fix this shit!" Steven complies. The movie’s title comes up. It reads “Montana Johnson and the Lost Crusader.” A man in a leather hat and bullwhip rides a horse onto the screen. "The Steel Behemoth” shows the giant made of iron befriending a young BOY. “Uberman” fights giant alien robots. “Top Dog” engages in an aerial firefight with a Soviet fighter. “The Raven” fights armed gangsters, subduing them with martial arts and no weapons. The “Ghost Hunters” use lasers to capture ghosts in the White House. “Gilgamesh” wrestles with Enkidu. The “Squadron” wades through Vietnamese jungles, unaware of the ambush awaiting them. The viewer can see the ambush. The “Preteen Alien Viking Salamanders” battle Anthropomorphic Walking Pirate Hippos. The “Kung Fu Youngsters” battle a group of ruffiansS wearing skeleton costumes. Wade jumps to his feet, as if a lightbulb came on in his head. Wade says "We forgot the Barry Complex Exclusionary Clause!" Steven stands up and turns the TV off with the remote. He says "Let’s go see Daniel Stone!"
Lawyer Daniel Stone’s office is in a skyscraper. Steven and Wade go in and get on the elevator. Steven asks to be reminded what the Barry Convex Exclusionary Clause was. Stone scans the contract. Stone says "The so-called ‘Barry Convex Exclusionary Clause’... You may not, legally, ‘give, sell or in any other way cause Barry Complex to gain control of Zoom Video.’" Steven says that anything that allowed Barry Complex to take over Zoom video would be illegal. Steven asks for a copy of the contract.
In the park, the summoned superheroes and soldiers fight against the summoned monsters and murderers. Montana Jones leads the heroic forces. Fighting along with him are the Steel Behemoth, Uberman, the fighter pilots of “Top Dog,” the Raven, the Ghost Hunters, Gilgamesh, a squadron of U.S. Army Infantry from the movie “Squadron,” the Kung Fu Youngsters, the Unlikely Missions Force, the Search Party, the EMS team and the Preteen Alien Viking Salamanders. The opposing forces include the worm-like giants of “Convulsions,” the “Goblins,” the “Lunatic Cop(s),” various ghosts, Goron the Indescribable, Tommy from the “Sunday the 15th franchise, “The Wolfman Lovers,” “The Muppet Master,” “Bad Dog,” the giant constrictor from “Boa” and various “Arachnids.” To the side of the assembled forces are Hooks, Steven, Wade, Carolina and Pam. A squadron of U.S. Army Infantry from the movie “Squadron” attack and surround the worm-like giants of “Convulsions.” They shoot nets at the worms, catching. The Kung Fu Youngsters use their martial art skills to outbattle the “Goblins,” who aren’t very good at fighting. They are easily subdued. Gilgamesh faces off against the “Lunatic Cops.” With his super strength, he batters them into submission. The police officers from “Search Party” and the “EMS” team help the survivors of the “Housequake.” The Ghost Hunters search out and capture various ghosts. The fighter pilots of “Top Dog” blast Goron the Indescribable from the sky. Uberman savagely beats Tommy from the “Sunday the 15th” franchise. The Raven enacts revenge on “The Wolfman Lovers” for their attacks on the “Wings.” He has sharp talons and he slices up the werewolves with them. The Preteen Alien Viking Salamanders easily beat up “The Muppet Master” and his Muppets. Steven, Wade, Pam and Carolina face down the “Bad Dog.” They feed him and he calms down. He’s not that bad after all. The Steel Behemoth takes the giant constrictor from “Boa” and ties it in a knot. Then it tosses the snake so far, it lands in the desert. The Unlikely Missions Force uses special technology to gather the “Arachnids.” The heroic forces are successful and are mopping up. Steven turns to Wade, Carolina and Pam with a grin on his face. Steven says "Let’s get to Zoom Video and ruin Barry Complex’s whole week." Hooks sees them and follows.
Steven and Wade burst into the video store. Barry Complex flinches. He says "Get out of here! You’re not welcome in my store." Barry falters. Steven says "You can’t ban me, you law-breaker!" The door and Officer Hooks walks in. Barry says "Officer, get these hooligans out of here!" Hooks says "I don’t think I will." Pam and Carolina come in. Steven says "I have Mr. Morgan’s will here. Isn’t it true that not only did he not leave Zoom Video to you, but the had a restraining order against you?" Wade says "Making it illegal for you to even be here?" Hooks says "You have the right to shut the hell up! If you choose to keep yapping, you have the right to be arrested." Hooks says "If you want to defend your sorry ass, you can get you a lawyer. If you need help coming up with an alibi, you can get you a lawyer. If you can’t afford a lawyer, we’ll give you a shitty one." Hooks handcuffs Barry’s hands behind his back. Hooks says "If you decide to keep blabbing, you can stop at any time and we won’t hold it against you." Hooks escorts Barry out of the store.
Six months later, Wade works the register. Ms. Kravitz hands him a video she wants to rent; she’s ready to check out. Wade says "'Electro.' Ooh, scary! She grins and pays him in exact change. Wade says Ms. Kravitz just rented Electro. Steven heads for the video shelves. Steven says he’ll get Foxman. Laughter. The front door bursts open and Agent W leads 10 men in black suits into the store. The agents handcuff Steven and Wade and cover their heads with black bags. Steven and Wade are escorted from the store and thrown in the back of a waiting van.
From the outside, Zooming Video looks nearly identical to Zoom Video. It even uses the same font on the same yellow sign. The only difference is the “-ing.” The Men in Black Suits escort Steven and Wade into the store, still bound and with bags over their heads. From the inside, Zooming Video looks a lot like Zoom Video, but the movies are normal and known and the snack brands are popular and well-known. Steven and Wade are released. They look around the environment, which looks familiar, but not completely.
Agent W says they are free. He this is their new video store, fully stocked. And they even upgraded the snacks. Agent W says "I think you know why." Hooks approaches, dressed like the Men in Black suits. Hooks says she's Agent H now. Agent W says "This means we’re settled. None of this happened. The implied threat is obvious. Agent H says "If it we hear you’ve been talking about things that didn’t happen..." Agent W says "Things that couldn’t have happened..." Agent H says "Let’s just say we’d have to pay you a little visit..." Steven and Wade exchange nearly-panicked looks. Agent W says "And you don’t EVER want to see us again..." The agents head towards the exit. Agent H says "Understand, gentlemen?" Steven and Wade nod vigorously. Agent W says "Good, because you definitely don’t want to see us again." The agents are still talking as they leave.
Steven and Wade go into the office. Wade says "A safe; look around for the combination." Steven finds an index card, just like the one in Zoom Video. It has the combination. Steven hands the card to Wade. Wade opens the safe. Stacks and stacks of cash are inside. Steven says it's "$40,000." Wade says "What do you think we should do with it?" They both consider the topic for a few moments. Steven says "We could use it to pay off Mr. Morgan’s debt, so we can own this place outright and Barry can buzz off." Wade shuffles through the papers on the desk. He finds what he’s looking for and examines it. He hands it to Steven. Steven says "What’s this?" Wade says "That is the deed to this place. You already own this place. This is ZoomING Video. Morgan had nothing to do with this place." Steven reads the deed to confirm Wade’s words. He does and grins. Steven says "You’re right!" Steven tosses the deed back on the desk. Wade says "Maybe we should save it to pay for all the damage the monsters from Zoom Video caused." Steven says "That’s a great idea." Wade shuts the safe.
Steven and Wade walk by the old Zoom Video location. There’s no trace of the old store. It’s now a vacant lot. Steven asks if any of it even happened. Wade says definitely. Steven asks how he can be so sure. Wade says the catalog is still at his apartment. Wade says let’s grab the girls and go order some movies. Steven takes off running in the direction of the girls. Wade runs after him.